It has been a long while since I have shared my thoughts on this platform, unsure of how to break the silence but my emotions led me here. So here I am, saying hello to you! How have you been?
Like most of you, we’ve lived the past few months mostly in isolation from the world while still trying to live a life driven by passion and love. A life where milestones and small successes are still celebrated, albeit very differently to how they were celebrated before. A life where heartaches, fears and frustrations are acknowledged and processed as something inevitable to make us stronger.
My parents are currently staying with us. They arrived here in Sydney a couple of weeks before Christmas, just before the border rules changed again because of Omicron. We have nothing but pure joy and feelings of relief when we finally were able to hug them again after almost 3 years – they made our Christmas this year extra special. Living with them, though, made us more cautious of our movements in the outside world to minimise the risks posed by the virus to their health. Although this is the sensible choice, the unsettling disconnect with the new rules on how we should live with this pandemic and the climbing number of deaths reported each day makes it more challenging, especially in a household with people on the go; the two teenage boys, in particular. There are just so many reasons to worry and live in agony and despair these days and very few glimmers of hope that shine through. I am exhausted but at the same time grateful for life, trying to hold on to faith.
Early this week, we received the heartbreaking news from home of the passing of my beloved sister-in-law who had been battling a severe heart condition. We are all devastated most especially because of the fact we cannot be with family to grieve together the loss of and to celebrate the life of the wonderful human being and beautiful soul that she was. We cried, we embraced, we mourned – our little family of 4, separated from our loved ones by the unfortunate circumstances that we are in. My heart breaks knowing how much it hurts for Orly who loves his sister and his family so much. There is no cure for grief, but to grieve. And so we grieve together knowing that our hearts are joined by love for each other and for our dear sister Belen.
It is perhaps the realisation of how fleeting life is that makes me want to hold on to each precious moment a little tighter, a little longer.
“The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them.”
– Francis Ward Weller
With over 300 million across the globe who got infected and over 5 million who have died, it tells us that we are all vulnerable. We are all mortals and anything can happen. It is scary and it keeps most of us awake at night, but it has also brought me to acknowledging that we cannot control everything – we never have been in control of things larger than life. And so, I ask, how do I want to spend my day today? If tomorrow is not guaranteed, when will I prioritise the things that matter most? How can I start living a life of compassion for myself so I can radiate it to others? How can I laugh more, dance to my heart’s content, be the cool mum to my boys, be a more loving wife, daughter, sister and friend?
It is challenging now, more than ever, to focus on the little things and to be truly present, moment by moment, especially with a grieving heart. But the more I exert a conscious effort to be present, the more my perspective on life shifts. Gratitude and kindness take over and I see more clearly how I want to spend every minute for however long I still have left on this beautiful and chaotic world.
The more I grieve, the more I long for life; the more determined I am to dedicate what’s left of my fleeting life to things that really matter.
Today has been an ordinary day in not-so-ordinary times. I captured some snippets of today in a 60-second video and watching it back made me smile. Our hearts are grieving, yet our hearts are grateful. There is so much beauty in this world to help us through another day. Start noticing and you’ll know that they are the things that really matters.
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