We woke up last Sunday and noticed that Keith, all of a sudden, is already taller than his dad by almost an inch! I am not a fan of the thin moustache that he now wears, and definitely disgusted by the sight of his armpit hair, which is growing thicker each day! I think I just hate to be reminded that he is a baby no more!
Almost a month ago, Seth turned 13, and for him, turning into a teenager is a big deal! Months before his birthday, he tried to squeeze in and slept on our bed, reminding us to ‘enjoy him’ before he becomes a teenager. I then reminded him of the promise he made when he was 10 – that he’ll let me to call him my baby, as long as his future wife and kids don’t hear. ‘Yeah, okay’ he said, and he gave me a tight big hug.
Watching them yesterday, running side-by-side around the park, gave me joy and sadness at the same time. I felt extreme happiness in my heart, thinking about how they enjoyed their early childhood, in their own special love-hate relationship.
When Keith saw his baby brother for the first time at the hospital’s nursery room, he uttered ‘Hi baby Seth-Seth!’. Then he pointed out to another newborn baby in the room, and said ‘Another baby Seth-Seth??’, and we all burst into laughter!
The 3 years that I spent as a full-time mum were irreplaceable. I miss the many story books that I read to them over and over, to the point that they learned every word by heart before they even learned how to read. ‘The 3 Little Pigs’, ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’ and ‘The Fox and The Crow’ are some of our favourites. In those formative years, I can still get to sing with them without them being so critical about my singing voice as I sing ‘I Love You’ and ‘Mister Sun’ (alongside a big, funny-sounding, purple dinosaur!). 
Barney taught them a very important lesson early in life : ‘Sharing is fun!’.. a lesson that they embrace up to this day. I miss the countless bath times, and the smell of Johnson’s baby cologne as I kiss their chubby cheeks and round bellies. Witnessing their first attempt to insert all those shapes into each Shape-O hole, while trying to identify the name of each shape right, and completing it for the first time. Guiding them how to sort their number and letter magnets, and going through the animal and vegetable flashcards over and over until they get tired of it. Watching ‘The Sound of Music’ every single night without fail! That was Keith’s bedtime routine until he was 3. Back then, Gretl von Trapp was the love of his life, next to mum, of course! Their birthday parties are always special as we wanted to make sure they’ll remember how much they are loved and how lucky they were to be able to share the blessings. I miss dressing them up for Trick or Treating, and watching their excitement upon knowing that Santa dropped by each Christmas eve, leaving them presents and long notes of love! Hearing them verbalise what they want to be when they grow up, from becoming a car window cleaner, to being a food critique, an author, a soccer player… oh the many dreams that inspire them to be the best that they can be. I miss Seth’s infectious laughter and Keith’s witty antics. Those times are simply priceless!
Raising 2 very active boys isn’t easy at all, and at times we fail to enjoy the journey and worry about a lot of stuff. 
I felt that I failed Keith for not being able to breastfeed him then. I was enveloped by guilt when I had to give him the formula, after trying and failing. I worried that he won’t be as smart as what breastfeeding promises. I cried with Keith when he had a few months of separation anxiety when he moved to big school, holding on tight to a pole outside of school, not wanting to get in. I kept on asking myself what went wrong and when will he be able to adjust. Seth, when he was a toddler, used to hit Keith with whatever he can grab or sometimes, even with his bare little hands.
I worried that he might not outgrow his roughness. Then there was the anxiety of getting another pet, trying to shield them from the heartaches and all the tears shed when Purp, their ‘purple’ chick and Takawi, their Koi fish died. I feared, and I stressed out a lot. I actually still do, just like recently, when Seth fell asleep on the train and missed his station. I freaked out not seeing a glimpse of him at the station where I was supposed to pick him up, fearing the unknown. All these worrying, I recon, are shared by a lot of parents, who only want the best for their kids.
Looking back, I wish that I shouldn’t have worried too much and shouldn’t have been too hard on myself. Keith has turned into a very smart, independent young man. 
Seth is a sweet, thoughtful boy with a very sensitive soul, who loves to cuddle a lot.
All the tears and pain are all part of a beautiful journey that moulded them into what they are now – free-spirited young lads, ready to take on the world.
Living under one roof, now with 2 teens, promises a different kind of joy. Their appetite is unimaginable – where being bored almost always translate to being hungry. 
I still find it hard to comprehend how working on an assessment or a school project can be possible while watching a YouTube video at the same time. I never imagined I could experience first-hand what generation gap means! The long responses that I used to get when I ask for the highlight of their day is being summed up now to ‘nothing much’ most of the times. Kissing them goodbye when dropping them off at a friend’s place for a sleepover has to be in the car and not in front of their friends. I used to freak out with the sight of a messy room, with dirty clothes on the floor, and untidy beds, but now I just take a deep breath and sigh to stay sane. Our calendar is always full, with choir commitments, recitals, concerts, soccer practices during weeknights and games on weekends, piano and drum lessons, visits to the library. It is so easy to go through each busy day as a routine, and so you get to treasure more the ‘Good morning mum!’, the occasional ‘How was your day mum?’, ‘Thank you’ and ‘I love you mum’ that you get in between. I can’t hold Keith’s hand now while walking in public, but I do get occasional hand squeezes that usually come in 3s – our new language of love.
Raising teens – that stage when it hits you that the babies you adore do not need mum or dad that much anymore. The time when they sometimes rather be quiet, get lost in their thoughts, figuring out where they belong in this world. 
It is when you wish you know what is going on in their heads and that you can help guide them through. What I am learning so far, and thanks Orly for the constant reminders, is that this is the time where we as parents have to learn to give them more space, watch from a distance, pray, trust, pray more, have faith, be cool or pretend to stay cool, pray even harder, and be there, ready to offer your hand when they reach out for it.
It will be a fun ride, I can imagine. We’ll take it one day at a time, savouring each day together, how chaotic it may be, and look forward to each opportunity to enjoy the simple things that we love to do together. Teens, anyway, are just my babies in disguise! So help me God 🙂
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