One Monday evening, a few weeks ago, Seth came home from his soccer training, then went straight to the kitchen where I was preparing dinner and kissed me on the cheek. That very moment, I knew that something was not right. He was not his usual self who would greet me with ‘Hi mum, how was your day?’ or ‘Hello, what’s for dinner mum?’ That night, he didn’t say a single word. I then looked at him and saw his eyes – he was teary and you’ll know that he had just been crying. ‘What’s wrong baby?’, I asked. ‘What happened?’ He just shrugged his shoulders and went up to his room. When Orly came in, I asked him what happened to Seth, but he didn’t want to give me a clue either. His exact words were ‘Just ask Seth and he’ll tell you when he is ready.’ That was when I flared up. Why would they keep it from me? I am the mum and I need to know NOW what’s happening with my son! I am his wife and he shouldn’t be hiding anything from me. Did someone hurt him? Did he get a foul remark from school or during training? Has he been bullied? But my questioning, my angry voice and the growing impatience made it all worse. Orly didn’t like my tone and had put his ‘silent war’ mode on. We still had dinner together but not a single word was uttered – such an awkward silence.
When I was already in bed, still worried about Seth, I have been imagining possibilities of what could have made my baby upset. Then Seth came into the room and said sorry. He told me that on the way home, the song ‘Dance With My Father’ was played on the car radio and it just touched him the way it did when he first heard that song a few years ago and it made him cry again. My heart melted upon hearing that, I pulled him close to me and hugged him so tight. Yes, he cried when he first heard that song. I remember it very well – I was driving him home from his choir practice one afternoon and while the song was playing, he was listening to the lyrics so intently, and I saw him wiping away tears. He then asked me ‘Why did he leave them?’, referring to the dad. ‘Why did God allow that to happen?’ The hardest questions thrown at me by my little man.
Image by bonnyplaques.co.uk
This time around, he related that song to family members so close to him who passed away. He remembered his beloved grandmother, Nanay, who bid us goodbye almost 2 years ago, and how we missed the chance to say goodbye and to be beside her when she breathed her last – our plane landed 2 hours late. He also remembered the tragic death of his Tito Rick and how difficult it was to be far from family when his great grandma, Nanay Flor died at 98. That song brought back all the pain to my sweet boy. He then threw another difficult question to me – ‘Why do people have to die?’ and he broke into tears again. ‘I don’t have the answer Seth’, I told him. ‘They are still with us, they will always be in our hearts, but they are now in a better place too. We just need to trust in God’s bigger plan for all of us. We might not even understand every single thing, but we are given a gift every morning that we wake up – another chance to make the most out of life, no matter how short or how long it may be. We can only control our thoughts and our actions, so in every opportunity presented to us, choose to do good, choose to be kind, choose to embrace life. We are only sure of the present, so never do something that you will regret in the future. Exert the effort to let the people you love know that you love them.’ I do not know if any of those words made sense to him that night, but those words stopped the tears. He then said thank you and kissed me good night. There are a lot of times when Seth’s sensitive heart and beautiful soul radiate and amaze me. That night is definitely one of those.
Like Seth, most of us dread and might never be prepared emotionally with separation and the whole concept of death and mortality. I, for one, was suddenly struck by fear and anxiety. The past few months, I have been physically challenged and has not been in the best of health. I’ve had a series of tests and the doctors assured me that it is something that I shouldn’t be worried about. I have been given options and I just need to decide which one I’ll be most comfortable with. When I asked my doctor what could have caused it, he said ‘We don’t know’. Not being able to control what happens to your body is not very fair, I thought, but then one can challenge that – what is fair anyway? As I walked back to my car from the doctor’s office, I thought about what I told Seth that night. Not that my case is critical and uncurable, but the thought of not having control can be scary and sad, but if someone walks into life with the realisation that life is a fleeting gift, and that every day is an opportunity to show love and kindness, then waking up to witness each sunrise is the fairest gift of all.
In the recent news that shocked the world, some people, due to severe depression, view death in a different light. They decided to do the unthinkable maybe because their minds and reasons were clouded with overwhelming pain and despair. Two very prominent and influential people tragically ended their battle. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain – who would have thought that beneath fame, success and fortune lie their unbearable sorrow and misery. So think about what is happening in the minds of ordinary people who carry their own burden of despair, but do not have the comfort of financial security, pubic fame and professional successes. We can only imagine how difficult, lonely and dark it can be for them. We may not comprehend what is going on in their minds, moreso might not even recognise the signs that depression is slowly taking control of their lives, but we cannot just close our eyes, our ears, our hearts to the sad truth that this sad fact is present amongst us. Again, we might not have control to change whatever is giving them grief and pain, but we can control our own thoughts and actions. We can decide to be there for others and choose love and kindness over anger and indifference.
Last Saturday, I experienced kindness from a stranger. I was on my way to watch my boys’ soccer game and the parking lot was full. After 3 rounds of trying to find a space, I was getting so frustrated so I just settled to park in front of the house near the corner of the street but my car was quite long and the front of the car was so close to the curb. A lady, who was walking on the side street, perhaps realised the risk of me getting a ticket for parking near a curb. She waved at me, told me that she’s leaving, offered me her spot instead and asked me to just follow her up the road. She was heaven sent and I couldn’t thank her enough! I missed a few minutes of the game, but I was able to watch the game without the worry of getting a ticket. During halftime, I had to go back to the car to get some drinks for the boys. I saw another car who was trying to park behind my car. He had a really small car but his tail would’ve been blocking a portion of the driveway, but he seemed to be in a rush and couldn’t be bothered to look for a better spot. I knew I can still move a bit forward to give him more space, and I didn’t hesitate for a minute to do that for him. With that simple gesture, I paid the kindness extended to me forward, and it felt so good! Kindness makes us feel a different kind of happiness and in turn makes the life of the person at the receiving end a little better. Sometimes I wonder how much better this world can be when each person decides to start their day with a kind heart.
Life is beautiful and it is worth holding on to, worth fighting for, worth living. The same life as we know it, is not eternal – it is temporary, borrowed, fleeting, so why not choose to be happier and make life a little better for others. A kindness revolution can start with you and me. Being kind doesn’t need to be grand. It can be a simple gesture of sending a text message or calling someone and asking that person how he/she is; it can be as simple as saying ‘Thank you’ to someone and letting that person know that he/she is appreciated. It can be sharing your time and just being with someone, lending an ear, or sharing a smile and asking someone ‘Are you okay?’ No one knows what will happen tomorrow, or the day after, but all I know is that we have been blessed with a PRESENT that is TODAY, and that today is a great day to be kind.
Leave a Comment